For the past six years Donetta Robben has written “Soul
Reflections,” a weekly column for The Hays Daily News. With a
communication and journalism background, Donetta can write any article for your
publication that you might desire in the areas of pro-life, sexuality or
relationships. Fees are based on current rates of the publication.
Donetta has completed the book, "Where is my rainbow?" It will be available in
September. Below are three of Donetta's recent columns. If you are
interested in publishing one of these columns, please contact
donetta@soulcommunications.net.
Read
Two movies show sacredness of life or
Abortion affects men too or
Abortion imprisons women
For more information, contact Donetta Robben at
donetta@soulcommunications.net
Two movies show sacredness of
life
Is God calling his
people home?
In the Old
Testament, God often allowed the Israelites to turn away
from him, but at certain points he sent a prophet,
disaster or war of some kind to call his people back.
Possibly this is
happening again today.
For half a century
now our culture has had a contraceptive mentality, which
has turned giving birth into becoming a choice. We have
disregarded marriage as sacred, and instead have turned
relationships into extended trial periods by merely
living together.
Last month I had the
opportunity to view the movie, “Bella.” This past week I
was able to see the movie, “Juno.” Wow. That makes two
pro-life movies playing in theaters within a month’s
time. This makes me wonder if the pendulum from a
culture of death is swinging back toward a culture of
life.
Both movies feature
an unmarried woman who finds themselves pregnant. In
“Bella” the woman is a young adult and in “Juno” the
woman is a high school teenager.
Both women consider
abortion as an option. In each movie there are scenes of
the woman walking into an abortion clinic and both show
the emotional trauma that is affiliated with even
entering such a facility.
Both women have
experienced abandonment by their own mothers. In “Bella”
the woman’s mother emotionally abandons her, and in
“Juno,” the movie indicates a mother’s physical
abandonment. In each of these cases the pregnant, unwed
mother questions their own maternal identity.
In a society that
promotes free sex with no emotional attachment, both
women wonder if the desires of their hearts – one man to
love them until death – are simply fantasies of the
mind.
The really neat
thing is both women give birth to their babies, and even
though neither raises their child, both women show the
emotions of being a mother who gives life. Life proves
to be the best choice, and makes each of the women
happy.
In “Juno,” the
relationship with the father of the baby works out. Yet
if the mother would have chosen abortion, statistics
show the relationship likely would have failed.
The other aspect of
“Juno” that I really liked is it showed how going to
high school pregnant was a really big deal. People
stared at her belly. They poked fun at her. Yet, the
young woman said it very well herself when she described
herself as “a sacred vessel.”
That is exactly what
life is all about. We, as women, are chosen by God to
bring life into the world. The evil one doesn’t like
this, and so he attacks it at every chance he gets.
Yes, the ideal would
be to meet our mate, be friends through dating, fall in
love through courtship, have the relationship blessed
through the sacrament of marriage and then have a
family.
“Bella” and “Juno”
show the breakdown of the family and also the flip side
– the importance and closeness of a positive, supportive
family unit. Both movies indicate the desire in men’s
and women’s hearts for a singular, long-lasting
relationship, like a monogamous marriage provides. Both
movies show the respect, value, and selflessness it
takes to bring life into this world and the joy that
follows.
Yes, the culture is
changing and the pendulum is swinging. God is calling
his people back to his ultimate divine plan. And for
those who have not always chosen well, and that is all
of us in one aspect or another, we reach for the divine
mercy of Jesus Christ and trust in Him.
Let us all remain
steadfast on our mission, for we are on the winning
side.
donetta@soulcommunications.net
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Abortion affects men too
When pro-lifers think about the
abortion issue, they generally think about killing
babies, or maybe even the long-term consequences this
decision has on the mother. But rarely do any of us
consider how abortion affects fathers. Thus, as we
approach Father’s Day, it is fitting that we talk about
the three ways abortion affects men.
First, many men have absolutely no
choice in the matter of whether their child lives or
dies. Two years after Roe v. Wade, 12 states adopted
spousal consent laws. In 1976 the U.S. Supreme Court
determined these laws were inconsistent with the
decision of Roe v. Wade and therefore unconstitutional.
According to our laws a woman has
every right to terminate her pregnancy without the
consent of the father. Many men feel that this is a
great injustice. It’s not fair that only one parent can
choose whether a child lives or dies.
Man is the giver of life. By
instinct he is meant to protect his young, and suddenly
these men feel powerless to protect their unborn child.
A second way abortion affects men
is that they freely participated in it. They might have
paid for the abortion. Or sometimes fathers pay for
their daughter’s abortions with good intentions, but
later realize they paid to have their grandchild
murdered.
When these men realize what they
have done, they suffer tremendous guilt and grief. Men,
even more than women, have a tendency to repress their
emotional selves. Men feel a certain societal pressure
to maintain a strong emotional front.
Because of this many men, whether
they willingly or unwillingly participated in the
abortion decision, will enter into many failed
relationships. They are unable to communicate or develop
trust, and often their problem-solving skills breakdown.
As a result they will often emotionally withdraw from
intimate relationships.
Men can also encounter sexual
problems such as impotency. Others will experiment with
a homosexual lifestyle because it is safer with a man
than to be hurt and humiliated by a woman.
In the book Men and Abortion
by C. Ty Coyle, a father of an aborted child writes,
“Don’t let anyone tell you ‘you will forget.’ You won’t
forget. Each year I figure out how old my child would be
if we hadn’t had the abortion. I have to figure it out
because for most of the year I try to suppress the fact
that it ever happened. It doesn’t work, but it’s easier
to deal with that way.”
A third way abortion affects men is
they married someone who had an abortion before they
met, and the woman is living with depression, guilt and
often will have acting out behaviors due to her own
unresolved grief. This affects the man’s intimacy with
his wife and robs him of the fullness and beauty of the
marital covenant.
Because we have a loving God who is
all-knowing and all-merciful, there is healing and hope.
Men do not have to live under these circumstances any
longer.
Rachel’s Vineyard Retreats could be
the best Father’s Day gift a man could give to himself.
If any of you are suffering from an abortion decision,
please call Rachel’s Vineyard at 1-877-447-4383 or
e-mail
rachelsvineyard@salinadiocese.org.
Remember, when Jesus restores, he
makes life better than anyone ever thought possible.
donetta@soulcommunications.net
(Top)
Abortion imprisons women
Abortion has been in
the news lately. A victory in the United States with the
ban of partial birth abortion, and a tragedy in Mexico,
where the government agreed to legalize abortion up to
14 weeks. At 14 weeks, the fetus has fingers and toes
and all it’s organs and muscles are formed and beginning
to function.
Abortion became
legal to “free” women, so that they had control over
their own bodies. But abortion did not free women. It
set a snare forcing women into a dark, empty prison in
which they feel abandoned and alone.
The snare is the
same ole trick the devil used to deceive Eve into taking
a bite of the apple. “If you eat from the fruit of this
tree, you will become like God.”
“If you legalize
abortion, you will have control over your body and your
future.”
Before the abortion
the devil talks in voices like: “You can’t have a baby.
What will your parents say? What will your friends say?
How can you raise a child by yourself? You won’t make a
good mother. You don’t have enough money. Don’t you want
to save the relationship with your boyfriend?”
After the abortion
the devil talks in voices like: “You are bad and evil.
Don’t tell anyone. Especially don’t tell your Christian
friends. They will never accept what you have done.”
Please don’t fall
for the devil’s snare. Abortion does not end the pain.
Abortion begins the pain. And more and more abortion
providers are recognizing this.
So do you know what
they do? They provide a spiritual consultant at the
clinic, even baptizing the remains to make the women
“feel” better. Some provide web sites so others can send
them e-cards telling them that their abortion was the
best decision.
These tactics force
women into their little internal prisons where they
don’t understand why they feel so badly, and they think
something must be wrong with them.
Many will experience
anger outbursts, promiscuous lifestyles, failed
relationships, increased alcohol and drug use, cutting,
sleeping disturbances, flashbacks, nightmares and other
self-destructive behaviors.
In a 1987 study of
women who suffered from post-abortion trauma, it was
found that 60 percent had experienced suicidal
tendencies. Of these 28 percent had attempted suicide
and 18 percent had attempted suicide more than once.
Abortion produces
despair and leaves women anxious and depressed.
Women who say
abortion did not affect them are putting up one or
several defense mechanisms
For example, they
might practice denial in which they suppress their
memory so well that they actually convince themselves
they did not have an abortion. The problem with this
defense is as life travels down its road the person will
experience the death of a loved one, which will likely
trigger the unresolved grief of their own loss.
A second defense
mechanism is projection in which the individual will
attribute to another what they are actually feeling
themselves. An example of this is when women are on one
side of the street holding up signs saying they regret
their abortions, while women on the other side shout,
“I’m glad I had one. It saved my life.” The anger these
women feel toward themselves is projected onto the women
who have received healing and are trying to warn others.
A third defense is
intellectualization in which a person spends time
thinking about the conflict but without experiencing the
emotions involved. They intellectualize that even though
they miss their baby, this was the best decision. It had
to be done.
A fourth defense is
withdraw in which a person does not allow themselves to
think or speak about the abortion or their feelings.
The neat thing about
Rachel’s Vineyard, a weekend retreat for post-abortion
healing, is that it allows women the opportunity to meet
Jesus through scripture exercises. He bends down and
takes her hand and says, “Is there anyone here to
condemn you?” And the woman can look up and see the
love and forgiveness Jesus has to offer.
That’s because
Jesus, more than anyone, knows that the woman who has
experienced abortion has already stoned herself.
donetta@soulcommunications.net
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